9-17-16

In case you're curious, candy corn are the most sacred and limited thing in the universe. Ergo if your sister gets ONE more piece than you, it is END OF TIMES.

6-9-16

Milly: "The only thing that will bring us joy and happiness right now, is pie."

6-5-16

Milly: "Mom, you birthed a weird one when you had me."  #letyourfreakflagfly

5-14-16

Cora: (calmly while staring intently at me from the back seat) Mom... what do lice eggs look like?
Me: Well they're tiny and either clearish white or clearish br........ CORA! I do NOT have lice.
Cora: (still calmly) Oh, ok. It must just be dandruff then.

‪‎#IDontNeedThisAbuse‬

5-7-16

Milly has a pair of shiny gold pants that are a bit baggy. She was wearing them yesterday and I said "You like those pants don't you?" To which she replied: "Well of course! They're my Hammeroid pants."

‪#‎StopHammeroidTime‬

5-5-16

Cora: (from up in her room) Mom! I'm still hungry!
Me: (hollaring up) Then you can chew on your attitude a little.
Cora: My attitude isn't edible!

#ImRaisingMyself

3-10-16

Cora: Can I get another fish?
Me: No.
Cora: Can I have a dog? All I want is a dog. A dog of my own will make me soooo happy. PLEASE MOM. {ad nauseum, ad infinitim - weeks and weeks}
Cora: Can I get another fish?
Me: Fine.

I think I just got lawyered.